Forgiveness
I think it is safe to assume that everybody has been hurt by someone else. Part of life is building friendships and dealing with people, some you may get along with more than others. It may be major thing or it may be a minor thing, but everybody has been hurt. And I think we all have been told that we need to forgive others, but I don’t think we understand what that truly means.
I can see in my own life where I thought forgiveness meant the person who did something wrong, corrected that wrong or even said they were sorry. I believe neither of these are the case. I believe that forgiveness is partly for the person who inflicted the hurt, but it is mainly for the individual who has been hurt. It is even in the definition. The Merriam-Webster dictionary has the definition of forgive is, “to cease to feel resentment against (an offender).” It doesn’t seem to have very much to do with the offender rather everything to do with the one who was offended.
In Mark 11:25 it says, “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” I think this is super counter cultural. It doesn’t say to forgive the offender so they can feel better about themselves or forgive them so they can become a better person. It says to forgive them so that your heavenly father may forgive you your sins. We aren’t doing the offender or God any favors by forgiving people. God is giving us some advice on how to live our best lives and that is in forgiveness.
If you are like me I sometimes think, “Well I don’t really know how to forgive.” In Matthew 22:37-39 it says, “Jesus replied: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” Jesus, who is God’s son, makes is simple. However you would want to be treated, treat them. I know I mess up often, and I know when that does happen I want grace to be given to me. So why shouldn’t others get grace as well? We are only hurting ourselves because if we refuse to forgive, we won’t be forgiven by God. That is heavy! I think the more and more I look at this is doesn’t seem like not forgiving people is really a great option.
I also believe its really important to tell people that you forgive them. Forgiveness is an action that happens in your heart but, if it is safe to do so, you should have it spoken to the person who hurt you. If it is a mild hurt there is a possibility that the person who hurt you might not even realize what they did or said hurt you. I am going to lightly throw around the word mild. If the person who hurt you is sincere with their apology, that can informative for them for future encounters. If the offense is a little more major and an apology was given and the original offender isn’t remorseful and has no intention of changing, that is okay too. If you have truly forgiven them then their response won’t matter because a decision in your heart has already been made. I personally have had both happen to me. Somebody who had a major impact on my life had hurt me and I told them I forgave them for hurting me. Their response wasn’t what I expected but I really did forgive them. Once the shock of their response had subsided, I was glad I had forgiven them.
In conclusion, I think that we all need to get better at saying I forgive you and meaning it in our heart. I don’t personally know who or what you have to forgive. You could be thinking to yourself, “that’s great for some people, but I have been hurt in a big way!” And that statement might have some merit. But I want to share perspective with you. Paul was a man in the Bible that has done wicked things against God and Christians, but he was forgiven and here is his perspective.
1 Timothy 1:12-15
“I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me trustworthy, appointing me to his service. Even though I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man, I was shown mercy because I acted in ignorance and unbelief. The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life. Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen.”