Intentional Friendship
The idea of being a good friend is something that most people like. Pretty much everyone wants to be and have good friends. The average person is also pretty good at being a friend. But there is a difference between being a friend and being a good friend. One of things that I believe sets ‘friends’ apart from ‘good friends’ is intentionality. It is something that is often overlooked but can make a huge difference in people’s lives.
The definition of being intentional is to do something on purpose; deliberately. This means having a purpose and reason to what you do and not just letting things happen. Hebrews 10:24-25 says “Let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another…” To me this verse is saying “hey people, don’t just let friends happen, put genuine effort into creating friendships”. The part I want to point out here is, “let us consider how to…” It’s saying think ahead, plan out what you can do. One day this week, plan an early morning coffee date with a friend or family member. You don’t have to do it at five am, and you can do it at your house or school, but make a point to meet them outside of when you would normally see them. Even if you spend the time talking about cats and dogs, your relationship with them will grow just because you put a few extra minutes of effort into it. Some of the best and most fulfilling relationships are the ones that have a little bit of extra effort put in.
The Bible talks a lot about how people aren’t meant to do things alone (1 Thessalonians 5:11, Romans 12:4-5, Acts 2:46-47). We are meant to have community and friendships with those around us. We are supposed to build each other up and love each other in everything we do, but if we aren’t being intentional about this, it is very difficult. This is also much easier with some people than others. For example, it is much easier to be intentional with your close friends and family than with your coworkers or the barista you buy coffee from every day. But that doesn’t mean it’s impossible, and it’s an area where almost everyone can grow. Write a letter, call an older relative, text someone you normally wouldn’t, invite someone to get coffee and then spend it trying to learn something new about them. These are all things that are easy to do and don’t take long, but it speaks volumes to the people you are impacting. And don’t just assume that this applies to the people you aren’t close friends with. It can apply to anybody. Just because you have a good relationship with someone doesn’t mean it can’t grow and be improved upon.
All throughout scripture, we see examples of Christ reaching out to those around him and loving them unconditionally. He had dinner with taxes collectors and beggars, and healed those who asked for help even if He didn’t know them. He was very deliberate in his actions. We can’t be as perfect as Jesus was, but we can love those around us. It requires us to be intentional in our relationships; we have to make a conscious effort to reach out to people and to do or say things that don’t always come naturally. When we choose to set ourselves aside and seek out intentionality, our relationships can become so much deeper and stronger. You become a better friend to those around you, and your relationships with those around you can grow by leaps and bounds. It may not be easy, but it is so worth it.